Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Life in all its inadequacies

Tonight there's the quiet , the woman in the temples have stopped weeping and the sky is submitting itself to the dawn with resignation underneath it's breath and my head is finally clear enough to think of you in all its clarity. The air is alive and my lungs are filled with all the words I did not say.

Things I have learnt this year:
no human is one hundred percent good or one hundred percent bad

ironically ,emptiness can fill you up

Things I worry about :
I do not trust men enough to live happily in a  heterosexual marriage
I don't trust God like I used to
I don't pray like I used to
When I shut my eyes it takes a lot of self control to want to wake up
I'm not ready for death either
The person I am in love with is an illusion
My childhood has scarred me permanently

Things I understand now :

I will probably never not love you
It's probably never over in my head

Some things just aren't meant to be
And you were never meant to be mine.