I tried to feel your physical presence, I tried to smell you in wafts of oncoming breezes, I pretended you were here while I skyped you and kissed the screen.

I tried to tell myself it will be okay, but the truth is life without you is stretching ahead of me like a vast empty expanse of nothing, a bleak world that spins in an orbit with no sun, with day and night intermingling and stretching into nothingness, meaningless infinite voids of nothing. Nothing virtual will ever replace the warmth of your hugs or the softness of your voice, and no comfort equals the strength your words give me.

I am lost, I admit in an ocean of humanity, nameless, faceless, directionless, and you gave me direction and faith and without you, I’m but a speck in the the billions of particles of this world.

Allow me to be a little pissed off at you, I want to rage, rant and explode in a fury of my own words and disappointment. I never meant to isolate you or drift away but watching you slowly slipping out of your own control and turning into what you used to despise is heartbreaking and infuriating all at once. All I ever asked was that you had a little common sense and stick to the basic moral values we shared as friends, all I ever asked was that those basics did not change.
But they did, and drastically so, and now all I have is nothing, nothing I care to remember, nothing for us I look forward to, and I cannot begin to comprehend how fast and how irreversibly things changed. Have I turned into an inhuman piece of nothingness that distances itself from everything that annoys it, zero tolerance, zero anything? I'm too tired to care, too afraid to ask, too terrified to open my eyes and realise you've changed, and that nothing will ever be the same again, too hopeful to disappoint the part of me that's living in denial. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.