Tuesday, 1 August 2017

the longing for an end is never poetic or romanticised, just final.

I'm sitting on an empty beach feeding my drained soul more agony
Your hand reaches out, old friend
but it never reaches out for me.

I have traveled light years
praying I'd find you alive at the finish line
that the demons hadn't gotten to you before me
You empty me like upturned vases cracked blue wearing the bruises time inflicted like a legacy.
Pain is their only memory.
You are only regret . and filled with my empty my longing my desperate hands shaking when they search for you and close around nothing, shaking in the flicker of the dim light of your late texts , shaking  in the dark trying to find the light and afraid of it so very afraid.
You burn me like a supernova , you are at your brightest and I am set on fire.
I've discovered you're a deadly disease there's no cure for.
There's no healing after you.

I'm sitting on a damp beach my body wracked with feeling. I've had enough of being alive , being this aware , being this aware of being this empty.

I'm sitting on a damp beach when I get up and I don't know if you reach for me because I've already turned away , I don't hear if you call because the waves are deafening here, I wait for the nothing to claim me before I drown myself.

"See? He tastes like you , only sweeter-"

"You've awoken all my demons"

Mad woman
She doesn't know how to love
Soft or womanly
Mad woman
Her love isn't water lilies, it's acid rain 
Her love is a hideous monster clawing at your throat
Her love is an open festering wound daring you to look away

mad woman,  her love is four letter cuss words hissed between tears

"All the men have eaten me alive, darling"
All the men will stand at her altar
and are ready to offer anyone's blood but theirs'
as a sacrifice

Poor child, they say once her father tied her to a railway track at the fore front of an oncoming train
and she still misinterprets it for endearment
though that particular brand of love got lost in translation

She puts the mouth of a gun to her temple and begs you for forgiveness with her fingers on the trigger
Her name is your kryptonite, 
you can't say no to her

Mad woman, her lover is instability
Mad woman,  they call her fucking crazy bitch ,
ask her what your love means to her and
she'll kiss you when your mouth is filled with poison,
she'll slice open her veins in a bathtub and make you drink her blood to make you understand
the darkness
in her and how it
to her everyday .

Mad woman, her love is a hurricane that worships destruction
She will tear you apart like apart a natural disaster and insist it is infatuation
Mad woman , she is a battleground
And her battles are spilling over into your comfort zone

Mad woman , all her longings are a garden carefully tended to
Give her too much honey and all the roses wilt
Too much love is an overdose that is always fatal, have you never understood ?

Mad woman, they say when the madness came for her ,
she invited him in for coffee,
and then she slept with him.
Maybe she thought it was better than being alone.