Decimating the beginning

I wish I could tell you what I feel but I fear it is too violent for letters on a page and too broken for sleepless hearts to read. I would tell you what I feel but I'm afraid my tears would blur the ink on the page and stain your fingertips with salt and pain.

If I did manage to spew out the vicious fire lit within my being, I would confess my fear that this wasn't good enough for you. You are only a few days old but I swear when I talk to you, you gaze at me with the intelligence of someone who understands. I wish I could tell you the family structure society thinks is perfect really isn't. How we imagine things should be aren't really the way they are in reality. You'd say a family consisted of a couple and their children, but I'd tell you that family is anyone who loves you. You would think you need a father to have a normal family life, I would make you believe you don't. You will probably ask me where your daddy is. I would tell you what I felt but I fear it wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't be enough for you.

I know you'll ask questions, and they won't be easy to answer. I wish you wouldn't have to ask about someone who never asked after you. I would tell you what I know, but I'm afraid your tears would blur the words they shouldn't have to read.