Endless roads and fading sighs

Empty like your eyes, hardened like your heart. Still trying to find smiles in the wrinkly lines curving around your unforgiving face, I'm still searching for where this thing snapped, broke, and changed. I'm still wondering if we will ever be the same again, still wondering if irreversibility is our punishment, and we are to blame. 

I feel so consumed by this monster of hatred inside of me, allowing me no good feeling, no happy memories to lighten me, no forgiveness to ease my pain. I am sucked into black holes of poisonous words and failed friendships, late apologies and not enough love. I'm swallowed by the escapeless voids within my heart, black walls, no windows, no me.

I'm still searching for who I used to be, for what I could be now, still searching for us, searching for familiarity. I am no stranger to hatred and jealousy, tears and anger, pain and patience, resentment and regret, but I am a stranger to me.