In the middle. In the middle is how I will describe this while I wonder if I will try to erase this from my mind later on in life. In the middle of a dark past and a bright future is when I struggle to block out the memories. Just like my siblings. They try, too. We all try. But it never really leaves. You always remember and your eyelids are always struggling to stay dry when you’re in the middle.
All my secrets cannot forever be holed up in my head for the sake of maintaining a normal front in society. One day they will spill over. One day the floodgates will break under the pressure of wet eyes and stories untold, and one day, the whole world will know what we concealed in our hearts and minds even though it almost drove us crazy as her, crazy until we broke in front of family and friends who left because they got busy and all we really had was ourselves, me and my sister.
I’m sorry this really has no beginning or end, but I’ve stopped trying to make sense.
I need a compass, I need an atlas
I need you, and the ground to walk on
And stay steady under my feet when I cannot carry my own weight.
I need to be able to speak the truth
Like I know it, like we know it, the truth because
Nobody else knows it.
I need the blanks in the middle to go away
Please make them go away.
I need to not be afraid
And I need you to stay
On days when I’m in the middle.
And there are blank spaces everywhere.