Friday, 16 May 2014

Hope began here

We owned the night. Every star looked like it shone out of the purple dimness for us, and for us alone. Our feet dangled so many floors above the earth. There's always pleasure breaking the rules when risking your life is involved. 
'No practical jokes' I remember you warn me, as you sit on the wall bordering the terrace, a breath away from falling into the abyss below. I'm more afraid of heights than either one of you and I beg you to come back. But that was a week ago and tonight I'm sitting on the highest ledge next to you. The wind is harsh and beautifully cold and our innocence is so beautifully unscarred.
It's a full moon night and we howl because we had to be wilder and louder than anything in the darkness. Eventually we end up lying on our backs staring at the infinity of lights that was always meant to be ours. Our secrets and whispers are drowned out by the wind and our laughter is carried away. One night out of the many crazy nights on the terrace, it rained. God that was rare in this country and ever so beautiful for it. Exotic, even. The streetlights didn't dim out here and we watched our world remake itself before our eyes. 
I saw you weep once, once only and I don't remember anything crushing me so immediately and so much. Its easy to forget you're not invincible, too. You still wouldn't let me hold you, you were too busy looking after me to let me comfort you and upturn the balance. 

That January I left home everyday with a broken heart and found home with you. The weather was terrible and the world had changed again, but it was no longer beautiful, the stars no longer shone for us and it hadn't rained in a while. The terrace lay dusty and the winds were colder than was beautiful, and I didn't find the words to whisper to you under the blanket of the stars, to explain this pain, but you understood and you held me till I slept, it was my only refuge from the world I didn't know anymore. 

PS I can't find pictures I can  post of these nights, I don't think we took very many.

PPS I think I was the happiest in my life at this point.

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