Thursday, 26 June 2014


This ache is incessant. I can feel it clawing around the edges of my consciousness , trying to drown me again. I thought it would be so easy. I cannot care so intensely , it is consuming me, burning my skin into fragments, feeding a fire I thought I had the power to kill. I've reduced myself, I'm afraid , that I will not matter , in the end, to you.  I toy with the idea that I never have. You never failed to deliver disappointment,  I never failed to deliver tears. I wonder if this will be anything like I wished and hoped and prayed for it to be. You're woven too damn deeply into this tapestry inked across with the bitterness of faint memories and the smoke of the inevitable. It is tempting to force you out, pull at the one thread that has your colour  draining all over it and risk shredding the entire masterpiece. You remind me of my darkest places and I cannot stand to look directly in your eyes. I am afraid. Of breaking the delicate spell of walking curtly around the edges, pretending we don't know what we know, and jerking ever so slightly when the spaces between our words diffuse to something we've fought to counter the existence of.
The first time I escaped I could hear a hundred hearts singing their freedom and now it's just a vast, emptying, draining silence. The endless depths of resigned acceptance.


  1. "I'm afraid , that I will not matter." I can so relate to this feeling. You have conveyed your feelings in such simple words yet so beautiful. <3 Check out my blog, too. :)

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