Saturday, 23 August 2014

For the ones that lost their way home

It's been forever that I've been trying to let go now. I'm beyond telling myself this is a transient phase, this is a resting place and one day I will wake up and this will have passed away, that one day I will let go of the things I loved in you that are gone, and I will let go of you.  

This detestation of your new identity will be the destruction of me, this endless reconstruction of memories, so I can cling on to what you used to be, but it's all a facade, it's all a fantasy. I have to let go of the girl I knew because she longer exists, because she's no longer you.  

Your vacant eyes reflect your vacuousness.  Your effortless blending into the generation of self obsession and vulgar pretentions is seamless. Praiseworthy even.

I'd ask if you were losing your sanity but you're too busy justifying your senseless defiance, your persistent insistence on living a purposeless existence. 

Too busy with your callous words and attention seeking, too busy sowing fruitless seeds to consider what you'll be reaping. I couldn't accept the world of unintelligent words and unspeakable slurs that has become you. The world of easy girls and desperate flirts and hiding behind  makeup layers. Of displaying yourself with ruthless abandon , of forgotten self respect and forbidden interests . Your dismissal of your self worth is disgusting , you're getting yourself hurt and you're unrelenting. Spitting out these words at you, is the least I can do, this loathing of you, and your endless sins is driving me nuts like an endless siren. The tirade in my head, you're not worthy of contempt , you're not worthy of the number of breaths I'm taking to get this across but I believe that inside of you is someone who once ignited something inside of me. Someone who inspired the fire that was otherwise dying.Someone young and smart and beautiful and incisive. and the only reason I'm wasting this space is so you can look back and ask yourself what changed, what brought you this disgrace, what made you this way. Find the answers to the questions nobody asking you because everyone's looking away when you're going astray and everybody talks and nobody cares. And nobody hates you and what you do enough to say I love you, I'm trying to help you, come back to the real you.

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